Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I have fence marks all over my body
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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