Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Text me some of your sweat
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
