I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
