I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
