Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
