plz talk dirty to me
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
We need to feng shui this bitch.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
