note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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