it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
