As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
