Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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