8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
