Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
