yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Welp...herpes.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
