Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
