Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
