Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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