I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Two words: blizzard sex
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
