Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
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