Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
