i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
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