Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
