my being single is dangerous.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
