I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I booty called her while she was in labor.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
50% drunk capacity currently
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
