so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You made out with two different species that night
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
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