So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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