Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
