I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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