I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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