I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
