i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
