Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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