she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
