Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
