There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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