so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
