isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just gift wrapped bread.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
