Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
You ate ashes out of my bong
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
