I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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