Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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