Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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