this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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