I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
