i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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