she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
