he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
