he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
