At least make sure they are 18
Why
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
