I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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