If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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