it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
